Note: I put these thoughts down back in 2007. Found them again in a discarded blog. Those feelings are still viscerally palpable. ¹

In the beginning, there was power, and the thrill of unending potential. everything was possible. of course, nothing had been tried yet, but everything was achievable just the same.

that lasted for the first week on the job. then it hit home – ignorance couldn’t be swept in a file like bad grades. boss men and ladies relished in sobering down enthusiasm. deadlines to be met, mistakes must be rechecked. proper form must me maintained. a naive acceptance that what is to be done, must be done.

so we checked, and rechecked. met deadlines. made mistakes. missed deadlines.  tried to meet standards set by someone trying to meet someone else’s standards. fell in line, like circus tigers. fetched balls and sat and rolled over when asked to.

invincibility was now a glass of fire water, dutch courage parceled out in beer mugs in cheap dives and gate-crashed affairs. conformity was thumbed at. as long as revolution could be purchased in milliliters. every thing else was at least a hangover away.

years passed, jobs changed. fetching, rolling skills got fined tuned, better dogs got better biscuits, lesser dogs bargained and hustled. most times even if you couldn’t roll very well  you still got a pat on the head with a mumbled word, most times you learned, settled, and consumed to prove to yourselves you were better. longing for that power trip. you accumulated tokens. bought things to prove you still had what it takes, bigger car, bigger TV, bigger house, compensation for an otherwise emasculating life. your castle against the fear of failure. how could you be a failure, shit man, you even drove a car which spoke to you.

and then one day a tiny thing at the back of your mind opened its mouth and said, in a voice not very different from yours – “accept it, this is good, this is safe”  – and you did that, felt happy, you had a new identity, and a desk to prove it, and little cards with your new name on it, your new invisible leash.

and no one would tell you what to do now. and you will still do exactly as you are expected to.